Conversations.....

She sat on the terrace, watching the stars and the moon and wondered how far they were from each other, and from her. She closed her eyes and sighed. She felt his warm breath on her left shoulder. Suddenly conscious of his presence, she ran her fingers through his face once, just to be sure, remembering not to open her eyes, or he'd be gone again. Tonight, she couldn't risk it. She needed him. She kept her eyes shut as her lips curved into a half crooked, half tired smile, the one he adored.
" Hey" he whispered.
" How have you been? She asked.
" How do you think?"
" I haven't felt you around lately" she confessed.
" I told you I'd be there when you needed me, seems like you need me seldom nowadays."
" That's not true. I miss you."
" Do you?"
She did not answer,  sipped the remaining red wine from the glass she was holding instead.
" Can you do me a favour?" She asked.
" Anything you want."  he said.
" Would you stay if I open my eyes? Please don't vanish. I don't even remember your face. Let me see you, just once." She pleaded.
" I can't.  You know that. "
" But....."
" When was the last time we met?" He asked
" I don't know, a month, two months....." She guessed.
" Hmm. You didn't answer me. "
" What?"
" Do you really miss me?"
" I do."
" Then take me back."
" It's not that easy. " she sighed.
" It's always that easy. "
" Tell me something, will you love again?" She asked.
" No"
" Why not?"
" I just can't"
" How can you be so sure? I want you to be happy. You will get other women who would want you."
" Oh, trust me, that I have."
" Then what's wrong?"
" Nothing. They are not YOU."
" How did we fall apart? I loved you. And you loved me too. "
A tear rolled down her well defined cheek.
" We did. Still do. "
" Then why?"
She felt his comforting arms round her. She winced as the soft broad fingers wiped her tears and held her hands. Her eyes remained closed.
" You remember what lesson we learnt from this, don't you?" He asked.
She nodded.
" Love alone is never enough to keep 'US' alive." They both echoed.
She opened her eyes to an empty terrace.
 The stars and moon still shined distantly, as they both stared into the sky, from a hundred miles away from each other. 

Loved

I miss the way he would plant the kisses on my shivering lips, on my moist eyes, on my flushed cheeks, on my clenched nose, on my forehead. That was the tradition after love-making. I miss the way he would hold me near, close and tight as if to say he would never let me go. I miss the way our bodies would lie entwined,cocooned waiting to evolve wings and fly away. I miss the tune his heartbeats would create, the poundings slowing down slowly from the rush. I miss being called someone's. But I don't miss him. Its okay that I let him go. I respected him enough to set him free. I cared enough to not make him miserable anymore. I don't miss him. I miss the feelings. I did not stop myself from falling in love again. Love is a beautiful feeling. It takes you to a wonderful place. It makes you feel at home. It need not have a name. Love is love. Unconditional. Unpremeditated. But relationships ruin it. The moment you start treating all of it as duties is the moment the magic spell is broken. I fear to risk it anymore. The art of non-possession is indeed a great thing and mastering it makes you strong enough. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's neither about freedom nor about independence, sometimes it's all about belonging to someone and someone belonging to you.

You will be loved

May be I cannot comfort you with words. Maybe I cannot please you with what you want to hear. Maybe I cannot assure you that everything will be alright. Maybe I cannot reach you to wipe your tears. But what I can say, without knowing if it would comfort you or not is that I love you. Truly and deeply. I love you for who you are. For all your bright and dark sides. For all your cranky and loving moods. Remember this. Everytime you feel incomplete or content, you are loved. You feel lonely or celebrated, you are loved. You feel depressed or jovial, you are loved. It is night or day you are loved. It is summer or winter, you are loved. You feel hated or loved, you are loved. I love you. I want to love each piece of you. Each broken and rejected part of you left in debris. I want to find it out and love it. I want to give you all the love you ever failed to receive. So what if I have to burn myself away? I want to light your way up with a million pieces of my burnt up soul. I want to hold you in my arms. And steal your pain away. I want to love you in a million ways.  You were loved. You are loved and will always be loved.

To be broken

There comes a time in life, when you love nobody enough to let them define you. Is it good or bad, i am nobody to decide, neither are you. But once you reach that saturation point, when you are tired of being broken by those people to whom you hand a map and a dagger and show them the way to where it would hurt the most and the wound would be deepest, you really don't bother to collect the scattered and broken pieces of your heart anymore. And the ones who break you are the ones who try to heal you, which is even more pointless maybe. Because if they cared enough, they would not have broken you in the first place. Is it fair to you? Is it okay to let them treat you as the 'damsel in distress'? The best option is to have the power to heal yourself. The one who has mastered the art of self recovery, is the master of his/her life. If you let anyone heal you, you are handing them the map and dagger again. Are you ready to be hurt again? Is momentary relief that important that you risk it all once again?

To be back

Someone said to me today, blog not for people to read, but for you to feel good. And I could not believe how much sense it made. I blogged for the last time more than a year back and somehow stopped. Maybe because of the creative block I am going through. But as I logged in today, it felt the same as turning some pages of a long lost diary which contained some thoughts and feelings you almost forgot existed. And I ended up deciding, I shall blog, no matter how meaningless or how crazy the things I write might turn out to be. I shall not be writing for you, or for him, or for her. I shall write for myself. Writing makes me feel good about myself, makes me feel confident. Being me, I really rely on my diary and notebooks more than friends or people for sharing thoughts and feelings. And when I desperately search for words to express those thoughts,and not get them when I need them, that is the most helpless anyone can ever feel. My thoughts wander from blogging to being helpless, but I guess that is the thing about writing, you can always let your thoughts wander freely, specially when you know that what you write will not even be read probably by anyone you know. So I decide to start blogging again. To seek refuge. To feel good. To know that maybe somewhere, someone will read these thoughts and relate to it. Maybe, somehow my voice would reach out to people I would never be able to reach otherwise. So, you see, this is like the message you send in a bottle, and never know who it reaches, or if it at all reaches anybody...... It's all a maybe...

Journey..

 What a strange journey,

 where do the ends lie?

What were we aiming for? 

Neither he understood; nor I.

Smoke rises from the lamp,

 along with the light

This dream I floated in, 

it has broken tonight.

Congrats to you my dear, 

on your charming loving find

On drawing so close to someone, 

that you left others behind

You will take your love and build a whole world a-new.

Whenever this evening comes I -- I will still think of you.

The city sleeps...

Under the dark night sky,the streets
dimly lit by the street lights,
the sinners do the sin,and the city sleeps..
when men transcend into savage beasts,
and forgets every sense of being a human,
the city sleeps..
when each night an innocent life falls prey
to the cannibal hunger of men,
and the desire of living dies,
the city sleeps..
where women are taught to protect
their dignity and pride,
where men are not taught to be tamed,
can ultimate freedom as such ever be attained??
with the shining and extravagant outlook,
and the claim to be the best,
and behind the veil the darkness prevails..
where do we stand today?
when the truth is being stabbed each moment
and evil lives and winks,
and yet the city sleeps..